i've been waiting.

i've been waiting for this moment all my life. but it's not quite right...

i want the prince back.

i want him here. i want to be able to call him up and see him in twentysomething minutes again.

it's fall and there's leaves falling and i feel to low to even stand.

the bruise on my elbow is almost completely gone, and then what's left?

mix cds and cell phone pictures.

it's not enough.

those mixes are stale and i miss your touch. hidden in the dark. communication with our hands, we let our fingers do the talking...

fall used to be my favorite. fall has always been my favorite. i love the sound of leaves crunching and i love when they hit my face on the softfalldown. i love the way the sun shines through the trees they're dying away from. i love the crispcold in the air and the need for hoodies and scarves again. i love that night starts to come sooner and how morning comes later and all the golden hours that are so barely there inbetween.

and i looked up at the sky today and i should have fucking loved it. like i always have.

my left hand just feels so empty.

i can handle losing a lover - that's fine. i can build that bridge with bricks and get over that shit. i can get over the loss of erotic nearness. i can learn with time, not to miss the kisses.

but i miss my friend.

and when i looked up at the sky today and crunched yellowgold under my shoes, all i wanted was to go back home and hide under the covers and sleep for days.

and days.

and days.